According to legend, one of the members of a firing squad is secretly issued blanks for his rifle so that each executioner can avoid a guilty conscience, assuming his was the ones with the blanks. I’m far more likely to end up in front of a firing squad and not on one, but if, theoretically, I'm ever a shooter and not a shootee, It’ll be easy to convince myself that I'm the guy with the blanks. It’s easy to believe things that make us feel better. So easy . . .
Senator Bob Casey (D-PA) finally capitulated and signed the Bennet letter, calling for Congress to pass the public option through budget reconciliation. This was after an intense telephone campaign. Numerous organizations urged concerned citizens to contact the senator and demand that he find something to fill his nut sack.
I called several times and spoke with staffers at some length. I didn’t just say my position and give them my zip code. I asked questions, probed to get a detailed outline of the Senator’s reservations in signing the letter, and then I tried to politely reduce those arguments to smoldering piles of ash.
Budget reconciliation is, in an opinionated nutshell, a way to surmount obstructionist Republicans, and, if possible, give them a hearty and well-deserved “fuck you!” In a slightly less opinionated nutshell, it is a process where a simple majority in the senate—51 or more out of 100—can push legislation through, circumventing a filibuster, which would otherwise require a “supermajority” of 60 or more.
Casey’s objection to using the budget reconciliation process was based on the notion of playing fairly. The filibuster exists so that the minority party can have some influence on government. Budget reconciliation busts their filibuster, essentially silencing the minority. And according to Casey’s staffers, the senator was hesitant to resort to this process.
My position was that this would all be fine and good, if Republicans were not an unscrupulous pack of scoundrels without a shred of human decency. But they are. They’ve made it astoundingly clear that they have every intention of blocking healthcare reform at any cost—regardless of how much this hurts the American people—simply to score political gains. They have no qualms whatsoever about resorting to outright prevarications, or, for the benefit of any tea-party people in the audience, lies.
Republicans have used the budget reconciliation process more often than Democrats to impose their non super-majority will on the country. It’s been in existence since the Congressional Budget Act of 1974 and in that time, it’s been used 23 times, 17 times by Republicans. They are about as far from fair, honest, and decent as anyone could be. They are willing to stoop to any level, and even grab a shovel and dig a deeper one.
Republicans are unscrupulous bastards and Democrats are castrated pussies. The primary frustration progressives are feeling is that the Democrats—who are supposed to at least marginally represent us—desperately need to grow a set of testes.
I phrased this more diplomatically on the phone, but that was the obvious subtext.
I made all these points to Casey’s staffers. The historical use of reconciliation, the unprecedented moment of crisis, the fact that Republicans regularly flay kittens alive and eat babies, and urged in no uncertain terms that the senator stop trying to play nice with people who have demonstrated a complete and utter lack of any human decency whatsoever.
And then, miraculously, the Senator signed the letter. Overnight, a pair of beautiful dangling orbs sprouted in his fertile and formerly barren scrotum. You have balls, Senator Casey! I love your balls!
And even though I was probably one of thousands of concerned citizens urging the senator to grow those balls, I couldn’t help but feel that my calls were the ones that did it. My calls put him over the top. I did it.
I was the one with the blanks.
And now that the Senator has grown a pair, maybe he’ll stop firing blanks.
Health Care for America Now!
3 comments:
Well-said, however I thought the firing squad tradition was that they ALL had blanks except for one, so it was never clear who exactly killed the victim.
Second, I'm uncomfortable with referring to courage as balls since it leaves courageous women out.
That said, you're right on. I myself often play fair to a fault so I was uncomfortable with reconciliation at first, but a simple look at history shows the GOP has used it more than not, so in a nutshell, fuck 'em and their lobbyist puppet masters.
Thanks! After posting that, I was thinking of adding my own addendum to the effect that the terms "pussy" and "balls" are part of a androcentric language that I did not create, and that I would never mean to imply that there is anything inherently wrong with female genitalia. I love vaginas! Best orifice ever! And I'm extremely fond of and greatly admire many humans who possess them.
But let's face it: everyone knows exactly what I mean when I say "the Democrats are acting like a bunch of pussies and they need to grow some balls."
If any readers cannot reconcile the fact that I am an ardent feminist who regularly speaks out against the oppression of women, with the fact that I use this sort of language, well I feel a little sorry for you. And I have a joke for you too:
Q: How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: That's not funny!
Seriously though: X chromosomes rule. Any when I call wimpy democrats "pussies," I am not comparing them to female genitalia, nor to kitty cats, because those are both good things. This is a third definition of the word. In this context it means "spineless wimp" and has nothing to do with the other two meanings.
And frankly, I know more women with balls (metaphorically) than men.
Although I didn't call Casey, I did speak to the DCCC when they called asking for money. I made a similar argument but was much less diplomatic than you. I explicitly used the word pussy, as in "I'll donate money when the Democrats stop being pussies and get health reform passed". In the absence of balls I hit them where it hurts even worse - their wallet.
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