Film reviews

The Lovely Bones 7 Stars

This was directed by Peter Jackson, and it was based on a highly acclaimed novel, but there all resemblance to Lord of the Rings ends. Or should, anyway. Some might also accuse Jackson of falling too much in love with CGI technology, compelling him to use it to visually overpower the audience when the story, which includes no trolls, wraiths or wizards, should be enough. When I say “might” I mean of course “have definitely done this, in every conceivable medium.” But this oft-cited shortcoming didn’t ruin the film for me. I was still drawn in by the unfolding of the short and tragic life, death, etcetera, of this young girl, whose spark was cruelly snuffed out too young by the evil dark lord Sauron. I may be mixing this up with another movie.

Dark City 2 Stars

This was advertised a “science fiction masterpiece” but I think this was because some people interpret “weird shit that doesn’t make any sense” as “science fiction” but it’s not, really. Sure, some science fiction is weird, granted, but not everything weird is necessarily science fiction. Some of it is just weird shit that doesn’t make any sense.

Hotel Rwanda 8.5 Stars

In 1994, close to a million people were brutally murdered in one of the most horrific examples of ethnic cleansing the world has ever seen. Or, more accurately, looked away so that it didn’t have to see. What makes these horrifying events all the worse is that the international community sat by and let it happen. As tensions mounted, peace-keeping troops from the United Nations and Western nations were pulled out, leaving millions defenseless against rampaging hordes of angry Hutus with chips on their shoulders and machetes in their hands.

My favorite line of the film is part a conversation that is taking place between some public relations flak, speaking on behalf of the UN or the USA, and a critic of their inaction.

“Yes, regrettably we have received reports that some acts of genocide have occurred,” the flak conceded.

“How many ‘acts of genocide’ does it take to make genocide?” the critic replied.

The flak was unable to quantify that.

The film encourages people not to stand idly by and ignore injustices of catastrophic proportions. Which would be great if we could all get into our time machines and go back and do something to prevent this preventable tragedy. But we can’t, and there are hundreds of thousands of butchered corpses in mass graves all over Rwanda to remind them of what we didn’t do, but should have. But maybe the next time we’ll do something. The next genocide, we’re definitely going to stop, for sure. As long as there is no sex scandal on TV or anything, we’ll pay attention next time.

Memoirs of a Geisha 7.5 stars

A few years ago, everywhere I looked, people were reading the book on which this film is based. In cafes, on the subway, in my own bathroom, everyone was reading Memoirs of a Geisha. “What’s that all about?” I wondered, making a note that some day maybe I’d read it. Now I don’t have to. Yes, book snobs, I’m sure the book is better than the movie. But I don’t have time and this was plenty good enough for me. A little peek inside the world of Geishas and a culture on the brink of irreversible change. And it dispels the myth that geishas were prostitutes. In reality they were women with no other avenues of advancement in a thoroughly patriarchal society who were reduced to anonymous entities existing solely for the purpose of serving and giving pleasure to wealthy men. So I’m glad we got that cleared up.

Nova: Becoming Human 8 Stars

This was a three-part Nova special using some pretty cool CGI to dramatize the newest discoveries in anthropology and evolutionary biology, demonstrating how we humans came down from the trees a few million years ago and liked it so much on the ground that we never climbed back up. It was both educational and entertaining, though its educational content must now contend with massive forces of dis-education, hell bent on making sure that the next generation is just a little stupider than this one, an ambitious agenda indeed.

It was over a century ago that Charles Darwin first proposed his theory of evolution, and since that time it has become established as an irrefutable fact of nature, which doesn’t stop quite a lot of idiots from refuting it. It’s worth noting that the people who refute it comprise uneducated, scientifically illiterate religious nutjobs who know absolutely nothing about science, and fearing what they don’t understand, have a general disdain for anything remotely scientific. These are the same people who will be creating the textbooks for the next generation of school children. Which leads us to the bizarre position as responsible adults to encourage children to pay less attention in school and watch more TV. (As long as it's Nova and not Fox "news.")

Evolution is real. It is not “just a theory” as creationist idiots like to squawk in a droning ignorant echo. It has been confirmed by such a voluminous body of evidence that it is beyond any question, scientifically. The only basis for objection is that it is incompatible with the scripture of primitive dessert nomads from thousands of years ago, who also thought the Earth was flat, that thunder was an expression of divine rage and had no meteorological explanation, and that infectious disease was evidence of demonic possession. Yes, believe it or not, primitive spear-chucking Bronze-Age tribes were not as intelligent and knowledgeable as modern scientists are.

Cosmos: 10 Stars

Carl Sagan was a visionary, dedicated to truth, knowledge, science, reason, and rationality, and as such, it’s somewhat comforting that he died 16 years ago, so he didn’t have to live to see the day when all those things would be viewed as enemies of liberty and freedom.

It’s been thirty years since Cosmos first appeared and it has lost none of its power to inspire and intrigue a willing questioning mind. Sadly, scientific thought is under attack on all quarters by religious fundamentalist idiots. Dr. Sagan succeeded in popularizing science, making it exciting, something little children would aspire to, inviting them to wonder about the universe and to turn for answers not, as has once again become the fashion, to the explanations offered by primitive wandering tribes for whom the wheel was still innovative high-technology, but instead to this wonderful thing called science.

Rest in peace, Dr. Sagan. There is still some hope.

Doctor Bronner’s Magic Soapbox 5 Stars

“Where do you hide money from a hippie?”

“Underneath the soap.”

This is one of my favorite jokes, which I am allowed to tell, because I am a recovering hippie. And as such, the only soap I used for years was Dr. Bronner’s. Contrary to misconceptions reinforced by irresponsible joke-telling film reviewers, some hippies did shower, occasionally, and this one would, while lathering up, deeply ponder the weird Unitarian religious sentiments covering the soap bottle. I figured the whole thing was a marketing ploy to sell soap to hippies, a clever maneuver to capture an untapped market in filthy hippies, enticing them to use soap, something they might heretofore have found unappetizingly hygienic.

Turns out that Dr. Bronner was in fact a straight-up lunatic. Which is not to say that there is anything wrong with his message of universal peace and understanding. I’m all for that, because at heart I am still a hippie. But I don’t think the medium of soap bottle labels is going to be able to compete successfully with, say, the Internet as a route to capture the hearts and minds of the population. Also, I’m pretty sure it’s still mostly hippies and peacenik types who use the soap, and they already agree, on the rare occasions that they use soap, anyway.

The problem with this film is the total absence of a narrative arc or any kind of tension or suspense. Here’s Dr Bronner. When he talks, he sound exactly like the label on his soap, which is to say, a peaceful crackpot. You get a little background on how he arrived at his position of sudsy evangelist. And then he just keeps saying the same weird shit over and over through the rest of the movie. It was interesting for about an hour or so, but then I turned it off and went to have a bath.